The girl with kaleidoscope eyes

sexy images of sex all over tumblr dash, right at the time when thats all i want really, uhg. but today I have a new lacy dress and am soon getting a new phone and new things are nice to have. Also, tomorrow I am attending a wedding with my lover :)

Fuck that stuck up, rich bitch and her bitchy comments. Fuck my malfunctioning sewing machine. Fuck you for making me feel rotten, and for making everything on your terms. Fuck this incomprehensible amount of garment making. Fuck my waning creativity. Fuck work and pressuring me, stressing me. Fuck this feeling of wondering if I’m going to waste my life in an industry I may not fit into. Fuck wasting my money on everything all the time. Fuck my body’s ability to gain weight at the bite of a sandwich. Fuck 6am starts. Fuck this week. I think the highlight of my night will be dad getting me japanese takeaway. 

when I’m not working I’m sewing, when I’m not sewing I’m exercising, and when I’m not doing all of the above I’m trying to relax with other people, but even that sometimes feels stressful; its like most aspects of my life are constantly pulling at me and its a little bit overwhelming. In a few weeks I’ll be chillin though, able to sleep normally and exercise at normal hours and actually just have a bit of peace in my head.

good week/ bad week so far. Art history assignment is stressing me out, I’m pretty crap at being proper and writing essays and referencing and making sense, no wonder my garments and illustrations have been getting wackier by the day, I think third year is sending me crazy. On the upside though, two separate customers called me pretty at work, and another said she loved my shoes. So that was nice and made stressful work days less shit. And last night Jordan and I had a lovely night eating home-cooked wedges, cuddling, driving around, just generally doing what we do best. And there was a sentence from him which began with “when we’re married…” which was kinda unexpected but also kinda nice, I guess this shits fo real and I’m pretty okay with that. Two years strong, lets keep it going.

its not often I feel honestly beautiful and comfortable in my own skin, but at the moment I do. I feel healthy, appreciated and at ease, and I hope these feelings remain.

I love this time of year, when my birthday is approaching, university is steady, the weather is cooling but not to the point of freezing, and a sense of mellow stability kicks in. My weekend was quite nice, happy work days with my friends, making coffee and not being bothered by shitty customers, and relaxing nights replacing drinking and clubs with jordan, his comfortable bed and my sewing machine. I have a searing headache at the moment and feel a little bit blah but I also feel a weird sort of contentedness and happiness.